The following, culled from the Internet, purport to be genuine extracts from examination answers.

Similar examples welcome - but no names please!

RE related

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread without any ingredients.

Moses went up Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

John the Baptist lived in the River Jordan and King Harold beheaded him.

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Joan of Ark was burned to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Later the pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.

One of the features of a mosque is the minibar.

Non-RE related

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls them Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

The Ides of March murdered Julius Caesar because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Queen Elizabeth was the virgin queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah".

Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

and finally, my favourite:

Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1570 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

(submitted by GB)

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